Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Kite-Flying with James






Yesterday, I flied a kite, ran across a bamboo bridge, went under slides and played seesaw with James, my 7-year old nephew. It was something that I haven't done in years. Then later we went to Rizal park, took a stroll, fed the birds and ate hotdog sandwich. At around 8 pm I was walking along Taft avenue with an exhausted child on my back and with sore toes.

I have always wanted to do just that. It's good that he is spending his vacation at our house so I'd always have a kid to tag along with me and provide as an excuse for me play around like a kid again.

He was so happy and proud. He wanted to watch Star Wars 3, but later in the day, he admitted to me that it was much better that we didn't because he enjoyed the park better. But the highlight of the day is when we tried to fly a kite. He was pressing me to buy a kite early on, and I am just dying to fly one as well . So we managed to buy one funny looking red kite with orange tails. It's so cute, it looked like a giant red tilapia with humongous eyes. We have been trying to fly it for hours and four guys already tried to help us. It was not until it has gone dark already when James, just sat on the ground--cross-legged, and stared at me as I throw it into the air and watch it crash. He is exhausted, but his Tita wouldn't stop. There I was, running in circles like a dog chasing its tail.

I was whispering to the kite as though it is love. Begging it to fly. But it wouldn't. Then a fourth guy approached me and helped me fly it for the nth time. It wouldn't fly not because of the wind, nor because we might be doing something wrong. He advised me to bring it back to the sidewalk stall where we bought and have it changed. I was hesitant because I don't want to start up an argument with the kite vendor if I say that her kite doesn't fly. I don't want her to think that it was just that I don't know how to fly it. Which is half true.

But I was persuaded that there's something wrong with it. It's too heavy to soar, like it's carrying some grudge. I just told my nephew that if they wouldn't change it then, we'd just leave it there since we wouldn't have any use for it. And he agrees without any of his usual complains.

Luckily 'the kite lady' agreed to change it. And shortly after that we found ourselves running in front of the Quirino grandstand, shouting with joy "Yahooohoo!" It was dark but we could still see our kite flying higher than any of the kites there.

I realized that if a kite doesn't want to fly, the best you can do is find one that does. Watch it soar and enjoy!

Thank you James for such a great day! I promise we'll go out again.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Falling Out-- A Dimming Heart



Sigh... I should be happy. I am not saying I am sad though. It's just that I have been thinking since last night. It scares me because I am falling out. I ripped out the back pages of my notebook where I have some letters for him and hid it in the back pocket of my calendar. I don't think I am making any sense out of my life by thinking of him and hoping that romance will bloom again between us.

Two nights ago, I dreamed of a river, it was running dry and the riverbed is showing some green patches. I was walking on the rocky bottom. The other night, it was the shore with lots of dead fish. There was one fish that's burried in the wet sand. It's dying and I prodded it with a stick to the sea, where it seemed to revive under a rock.

At one point, I know I believed that love is a mighty river. Once you get caught up in it's rush, you can only do so much. But the river has gone dry. He doesn't make me smile anymore. And I don't think of him as much as I used to. He probably doesn't love me anymore anyway, so I shouldn't worry. I have never felt so resolute. And never have I not cared until today. Guess, I still care a little, else I wouldn't be writing this.



The book of angels says that when two people fall in love, what they see from above are two bright lights that are glowing from within. And when it dies, the lights dim slowly. And we shouldn't try to cling on to it if it fades out. They say doubt and fear are two things that causes the lights to dim. Guess, I feared and doubted so much. But I can't undo the damage, much less pretend.

So much for now. I love you. But I just don't love you today. I hope I don't feel this way tomorrow.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Something Beautiful, Stupid and Wasted (12/07/03-an original poem by me)



Whenever I'm with you, I feel like I've swept a thousand purple gerberas in my arms.

You turn my tummy inside out and there are fireworks and little pixies dancing about.
When I walk with you, it feels like I'm strolling on clouds of yellow roses


Stars fall down blooms of forget-me-nots

Just to be near you... just to be near you.


And my head is spinning words too elegant for my vocabulary... 
Too gallant...too beautiful... too rare.


So much time has been wasted.
Is wasted.
And I don't why I'm still wasting it.


Idle dreams without truth.

©2003 Ma. Leonor Jambalos. All rights reserved.