I was just like you.

Like Lexi, I was fiesty and rebellious. Brutally honest and crazy like Nina. After all I was just like Kaye --young and carefree. I used to put on make-up while working and had a mirror on my monitor (like Jane). I was unsure on which path to take (Gerwin, at one time). But I tried my best to be strong (Ayie) for my dreams because I couldn't depend on anyone but myself (Dax) until I decided to give my all (Rommel) and tame myself (Cecil).

I digged around my old blogs and now I find myself meeting my self seven years ago. I must have been one tough employee to manage:

" Wednesday, August 18th, 2004 6:24 pm


Purple Angst
How I hate the world today! How I hate the way the keyboard makes me feel stupid. I hate the cold air that make my fingers numb. I hate the rain outside--it will drench and put dirt on the edges of my pants. I hate the callers I got today! I hate the Q.A., I hate my age, I hate the friendster addicts! i hate the stinging pain on my back.
I hate the way i hate the things I used to love.
I hate him.. I hate spaghetti, I hate the stars... I hate these thoughts that wouldn't keep me still. I hate the way time pushes me, when all i ever want is to just breathe for a moment and feel myself.
I am young but the world doesn't seem to be for my age today. Just today....
Maybe I should go get myself a drink and sleep.

Good morning--sleep tight graveyard firefly.

Current Mood: cranky "



And in one blog:

http://purpleowyn.blogspot.com/2005_08_01_archive.html

"*ring...ring* that's the landline, as it breaks the silence downstairs. I hear it, but I don't give a damn. *ring...ring* that's my cellphone. "Hi...me pasok ka today, right?" that's my supervisor in his calm voice. My conscience bugged me. I have the most patient, and the most understanding boss in the planet. "Opo...papasok na po..." my voice sounds sleepy. I told him I am not feeling well. I don't lie to him. If I don't feel like going to work, I tell him straight out. And today, it's true that I am not feeling well...my soul is sick. I realized it's an hour past my shift. I slept a few minutes after that...woke up and screamed "AYOKO NG PUMASOK!"


Have a read at the link above for the full blog if you like. For I was just like you at one time.... Just sharing these with you so you would know that I know how you feel and when say I understand -- I REALLY DO. ;-)

But you can get ahead and turn things around.

For at one point in my not so recent past...I was famous.

Dahil sa office namin, ako ang pinakang pasaway!




Sana wag kayong magpapasaway sakin ha? ;-)

Like Bread Crumbs

I just deleted one blog I made because I just don't want people to know about it.
In my line of work, I learned that privacy is sacred.

It's is amazing how much you can learn about a person if you really want to. For like bread crumbs...everybody leaves a trail.

September 15, 2010. I got my certificate in Basic and Advance Chocolate Molding. I can now make 3-D chocolate figures, chocolate lollipops, chocolate truffles, chocolate cornflakes, bonbons, etc! I hope I could get started with my own chocolate designs for my business.

It's way past my shift and I am still here at the diner singing this song over and over....





Like sunshine

Like marshmallows

And freshly squeezed orange juice

Like the smell of the dock
At the back of my grandfather's beach house
On a Sunday...

Like pink, red, orange and blue dragonflies
I used to catch at the playground

I kept them safe in between my sweaty little palms

Like hugs from Yumpkin
And a spoonful of Mama's yema

Like staying up all night talking
With your best friends in a tent

Or jamming with Utoy while eating manga't bagoong
On a summer at home

This is how I feel today
And I know it's not just because of the chocolate cake...

I just ate

This is for Bryan:



Thank you for coming at the right time in my life. For treating me with respect, kindness and unconditional love. I have never felt this special before.

I am glad I waited for the right guy. You are the best!

HIGH SCHOOL REUNION




We just had our 10-year high school reunion last April 11. It was nice to see old faces, old friends and old crushes.

What was nice about it is that there was no bragging about what one has achieved or where one has been. It was a simple gathering which reminds us of our roots. And that no matter where one lives now or in the future, you will always go home with them, in the shade of the same memories you shared as children and teens.

It was there I saw the dreamweaver. We didn't really talk as I was embarrassed by all the attention our classmates are giving us. The teases and and the uncomfortable silence is back like in high school. It wasn't as though we got have gotten over that part when we dated.

Then he just left.

While I was truly happy at the reunion, I was sad when I came home. I cried. Good thing I was alone because my family was out late watching a show in town.

It was not a lover's sadness. It was the kind of sadness you feel when you know your bestfriend has turned her back on you for good. Though Jaja and Jea are my bestfriends, I somehow realize that JJ has become my guy bestfriend and it hurts really bad.

After three years of not talking to each and imagining how nice and fun it would be to see each other again, it turned the other way around. So I texted him. Good thing he replied, and I really appreciated that. He has grown too.

The next morning I had breakfast at their house and we went to attend the Easter Sunday mass. It was the best mass I attended. It was all for peace, for healing and for friendship.

Though I initially didn't want to go home, it all proved to be worth it.

I am alive again! =) A few years ago I killed myself through cyber suicide. Now what have I been doing in my cave all these time?

Studying.

I was studying about happiness. About power. About love. About God. And mostly about myself.

I got me a cute classmate named Yumpkin (a shih tzu - it's her 9th month today). Though I tend to think that she got herself promoted to teacher while I have been permanently designated to being her student.

What can you learn from a silly, playful puppy? A lot.

A lot about cleaning after her mess. About forgiveness after she ate 4 pairs of your best shoes and the TV wire. About patience when she wakes you up in the middle of your sleep so you can take her downstairs to pee or poop. About taking care of another creature whose life is wholly dependent on you. About loving as you forgive her little mistakes for being too young and too dependent on you.

I learned about power as she obeys me when I say "Stay!" and in the same way I also learned to be obedient. I learned about a God who was kind enough to send me a dose of laughter to get me through my days through Yumpkin. That happiness is a choice.

That I am thankful I am me, for despite all things, I am still capable of love and kindness.