A Broken Jar

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It was a candy jar I broke.

I was dragged
Dumped where the dog sleeps
And then the lashes came...
I counted them to dull the pain.

One..two...six...sixteen!
Why doesn't it stop?
Twenty-two.. .thirty....

My back is raw and my body is shaking.
My shirt clings to the oozing flesh on my back.
I want to rip it off.
Please make my heart stop beating.

She is my world--my one and only.
How can she hurt me like this?

I'm just a child and my hands are still tiny 
To get a good grip of big things like jars.

He is my defender
My knight-in-shining armor.
The heavy buckle of his belt crosses my cheek
Something tastes like the metal lid of our salt shaker.

What is wrong with me?
Why am I like this?

My Mona Lisa stops him to say not on the face
I'm so sorry...little arms reaching for a hug
For a blanket of protection

But some things never come.

In between the lashes
A little heart was dreaming
To be ever so tiny no one could see me
Oh, I'm a dust in the afternoon sun!

Some wishes never come true.

She lets him have a go
His hands--the broom--a stick--the thin black belt!
A shoe across my face
On my fifteenth birthday.

The days roll past into months
And years into faded photographs of decades past
I try to live my life
But something's not quite right .

How can he hurt me like this?
He is my world my one and only.

I will wait.
I will strive.
I cannot fail...

What is wrong with me
Why am I like this?

I need some sweets
I need a fix.

It got broken when my hands were still tiny
To get a good grip of big things like jars.


©2013 Ma. Leonor Jambalos. All rights reserved.